The Dance Goes On and Everyone Can Join - Part 1

This fall I’ve joined a square dance group for fun and exercise. I found the steps came back to me fairly quickly from dancing years ago at camp - do-si-do, allemande left, promenade, ladies chain and so on. While most of the ladies don’t bother with a skirt with crinolines underneath, those who do love to swing them as they spin.

Because I go on my own and there are many other solo ladies, I was asked my first week to do the man’s part. I get to wear a green sash labeling me as a “man” and I’m now used to doing things backwards to my instincts. It’s been an interesting experience and some of the other dancers have asked how I feel about it.

It got me to thinking about a number of facebook posts over the last year raising concerns about gendered toys at the same time as A Mighty Girl was really taking off, and the heightened awareness around the stigma of trans-gendered people (Caitlyn Jenner being the most recent and obvious). I’ve read articles about parents choosing not to share the gender of their baby with others so they aren’t constricted to a specific role, and about what to say to girls besides just telling them they have a lovely dress or pretty hair.

It also reminded me of when I was leading a VBS in a small town congregation years ago. An adult from that church on seeing a young boy twirling and dancing speculated to me that he was probably gay and with a rough road ahead for him and his family. She had known him for some time and clearly he was “different” from the other boys.

Why are we so preoccupied with gender and what is “normal” or not? It is obviously a hot button topic and it is not going away. It speaks to the core of our identity and can stir strong emotions. We need to take some time to acknowledge our own anxieties and assumptions. If we are providing programs for children, and hopefully for a diverse range of families and situations, how do we respond to this faithfully?

I believe that we are all made in the image of God. I think that it is destructive to try to force someone to not be who they feel they actually are. We are called to preserve the dignity and inherent sacredness of everyone God has created. Part of being church leaders means helping kids and youth to figure out who they are as a beloved child of God. This means asking good open-ended questions, caring about their answers and providing support as they try things out, gradually getting a more solid grip on the many facets of their identity and how they relate to others and to God.

Next time I will offer some concrete suggestions for how to make everyone who answers the call to the dance of faith feel welcome. The Lord of the Dance is one of my favourite hymns, and over and over again we are reminded “and I’ll lead you ALL wherever you may be, and I’ll lead you ALL in the dance said He.”

If we are truly dancing with Christ, then we can’t step on the toes of those we don’t think should be welcome because they look or act different than we expect. Christ came for everyone. Instead, we can laugh when we do the steps differently, knowing that the health of the community and each person in it are more important than us all being the same.