Goodbyes and Hellos
/Fresh back from a holiday hiatus and I’m reflecting on the end of a year and a decade. I’m also preparing to transition into a new ministry, leaving one congregation to serve another as a worship leader. The decision to leave the place where I first preached 4 1/2 years ago which became every Sunday was not made lightly. Weeks before going I’ve already been experiencing grief.
Several years ago at a retreat I attended when I was facing a transition someone recommended Joyce Rupp’s book Praying Our Goodbyes. I’ve been re-reading it as I prepare to finish at the end of the month with this dear and small but mighty congregation I’ve had the privilege to serve. If you are experiencing any kind of impending or current loss I recommend it as a great resource.
Ministry transitions are tricky as you try to hold your emotions in check and continue leading. It’s a delicate balance of sharing enough information and being real enough to reassure people while not inappropriately burdening them as they grieve and deal with this change and loss of a leader. We do become attached to those who lead us, even if they aren’t our favourite person. And leaders become attached to congregants because of the very personal connections that are formed through journeying together.
I’m by no means an expert, although I’ve walked the goodbye of a ministry role a few times now, but here are some suggestions that seem to be helping me in this time:
plan out the best timeline for your situation - of when your leaving makes the most sense for your needs, the needs of others and where God is leading you, and of how and when to tell people so that they have time to adjust to the coming change
honour those who worked most closely with you by giving them a heads up first - it is advisable to ask them to not share this information so that the congregation hears all at the same time
give yourself and others time to work through what this all means and how it feels - be aware that people will respond very differently and at different times; some will need to talk about it right away and others will be unable to for a while, be prepared for a variety of emotions
allow yourself to feel your own feelings away from those you serve and to talk about how this is impacting you with trusted colleagues - don’t stuff feelings only to have them surface at inopportune times
take time to rest - continuing to lead and reassure people even as you prepare to leave takes a lot of energy, as does grief - even if you are sure of the decision to go and about where you are going it is still tiring to navigate this change and say goodbye
affirm the congregation you are leaving - remind them of the gifts they have given you and each other, the things they accomplish together, and that they will survive without you by leaning into God and God’s plans for them
This list is specifically for ministry positions and is probably incomplete. We all face a variety of losses in our lives, from loved ones to jobs to friendships to health. Each loss impacts us and we are challenged to move through them intentionally rather than denying their impact. We are challenged to fully experience them even as we prepare for the new beginning on the other side and to take with us the blessings and teachings of whatever we have lost.
No matter the reason for our grief experience, it is important to be gentle with ourselves and to lean in to God. It may be that we are too angry or upset to pray or trust in God for a time, but if we are able our faith can give us strength and resilience. Painful experiences can be a catalyst for deepening our relationship with God and helping us to re-discover who we are in God’s eyes.
As this new year begins I pray that you are able to say goodbye to 2019 and accept its gifts as change happens in your life. May you find peace in any transitions you are facing and remember that God is journeying with you, whether you sense it or not.
Happy 2020!