Examining and Eliminating

Yesterday was a day of many phone calls, e-mails and texts to people from my church, most of whom I can’t visit in person. One call was to someone who has been in hospital for months, some e-mails were to someone who just experienced a loss of close family in the US, others to people I haven’t had time to phone more frequently than every four months who are just hanging in.

Last week I wrote about lament and our need to purge heavy feelings and admit our need for God. Lament often leads to the need for some self-examination. One thing that I’ve recognized, partially through phoning folks, is that as the pandemic drags on, some things really aren’t changing.

We’re still in the wilderness, although the Promised Land of everyone vaccinated and a return to somewhat normal is more visible in the distance than ever before. We’re still murmuring and muttering and seemingly stuck or going in circles. The commandments of hand washing, mask wearing and distancing haven’t gone away, and the variants make them even more important.

As I talked to two front-line workers, one a nurse and the other a grocery store worker, it came up that they typically aren’t acknowledged but that thanks can go a long way. I had heard about this on the news for a while - that when all this started people were out on their balconies banging pots for the hospital staff daily at 6 pm, and there were all kinds of facebook posts thanking everyone putting themselves at risk to meet our needs. It was an avalanche of gratitude and concern which has slowed to a trickle, at least in my feed. Teachers, once applauded for their ability to pivot, are now under scrutiny for not doing enough for our kids who, in some eyes, are at risk of losing their year and/or being woefully behind.

In our impatience and weariness in this wilderness, we have lost perspective of how many people have kept us alive in this difficult and disorienting time, even as they themselves were put at risk.. We have forgotten how different the journey would have been had we not had people caring for us and taking charge. In our continuing anxiety, we are looking for a target to blame for our discomfort, whether politicians or others we perceive to be limiting our freedom. Forgive us, God.

This is one area of self-examination I’m very aware of, and as people complain about continued inconvenience and loneliness I can start to lose patience and compassion myself - ‘you have a phone, use it!’ I would love to say to some, or ‘not going away on holiday isn’t a hardship! get a grip and look at Africa!’ There have been many times that I’ve bit my tongue. We are so used to being catered to and having what we want when we want that this sustained time of uncertainty, lack of availability of things and waiting is incredibly difficult. Forgive us, God.

And when I start to take for granted all that volunteers are doing at the church, putting themselves at risk, and when things start to drive me crazy in the extra work involved to plan around Covid restrictions, and I feel owed and entitled to a smooth ride because of how hard I’m working, I need to stop and take a breath and go up the mountain away from everyone and sit in the radiance of God for a while. We can so easily stop fueling up spiritually to handle all that we have to face and to avoid comparing and competing with others in ministry. Forgive us, God.

These are things on my mind this week. What needs examining in your own life in this time of Lent? What habits, attitudes, struggles and poor choices need eliminating? What heavy burdens could be put down or handed off to Christ so that you can move more freely in your calling and ministry to others? Lord have mercy on us and bring us peace and compassion for ourselves and others..