Finding Community while Leading Child/Youth Ministry

By the time you read this, I will be at least halfway through a retreat. My current ministry is more focused on leading worship, so the opportunity to reflect and plan liturgy with others for the season of Pentecost was very welcome. I anticipate my soul being replenished and my fires re-stoked!

As I write this, I’m very aware that ministry with children and youth, and particularly for those who are “in charge” – whether paid or volunteer – can be isolating. The perception that it must be great because everyone talks to you and you get to develop relationships with great kids, youth, parents and volunteers can be legitimate, however this kind of work can be draining for many reasons and burnout is common. Why?

A short list would include chronic conflicts between participants or parents or volunteers, lack of support and understanding from “higher ups” (both paid and volunteer), unrealistic expectations of what these ministries will “produce”, too many people to nurture well, lack of commitment and…well, you get the idea. The perception that this is the “fun” part of congregational ministry is rarely true. There can be just as many (and different) headaches as for those focused on adults.

The mantra goes that you need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping someone else with theirs. We know deep down that self-care is critical so that we can offer a better self to others. At the same time, the continuous demands of ministering to young people can make it seem a luxury, and rarely is this encouraged by those needing these ministries. To actually take vacations and be able to separate from programs and ministries is tough. It can also be intimidating to go on retreat in a new environment, possibly knowing no one, and wondering how laid bare others will expect you to be.

Trusting in God’s desire to refuel you through the Holy Spirit, just like God showed up for the apostles, think about these possible approaches to your own self-care:

1. Take a few minutes each day, possibly right before bed, to tune out everything but you and God. Think through the day carefully – what went well, what might not have and why, how God was present and what you need moving forward. Pray about whatever comes up from this self-reflection so that you can turn it over to God and get some sleep. Remember to take time to listen for God’s response too.

2. Make eating conscious and tend to your own needs with the same time you would give to someone asking for help. You are just as important! If you have someone in your life reminding you to take care of yourself, particularly a partner or spouse, thank them for doing this even if you resist it. If you lack this person, all the more reason to make yourself a priority as those you serve probably won’t.

3. Be attentive to the signals your body is sending you about tiredness and lack of energy. Respond in healthy ways – have a nap or go to bed earlier, spend less time on devices and in front of screens, go for a walk or do yoga or play a sport or go to the gym, call a friend completely outside of your ministry and talk about anything and everything.

4. Become aware of your boundaries and increase them where necessary, communicating them in specific ways. Do you allow ministry calls at all hours of the day and night? Is this really your role? Learn to screen calls, communicate what you can offer, and make sure that you are not being taken advantage of by others. Enabling unhealthy chronic behaviour in others does not make you a super-Christian but it may make you a martyr.

5. Find ways to connect and network with those doing similar work, either by going for coffee as often as works for you or by phoning/skyping and checking in and praying for each other and/or by attending workshops or retreats. People who know firsthand the struggles of the ministry you do will listen and understand without you feeling the need to justify what you are feeling. 

Sometimes I’m better at these things than others, but I’ve learned that going by the expectations of others to decide how well you’re doing is a mistake. Feedback is great, but your health and vitality are far more important. Trust yourself, and when in doubt share concerns with a worthy mentor or friend to make sure you’re not off track.

The ministry to which you have been called (yes, it’s a calling even for lay people and don’t let others tell you otherwise) is critical especially at this time in the church’s history. Treat yourself well so that the work that you do can flourish and reach its potential.