Grace in Uncertain Times
/At first I wasn’t sure what to write about, but after lying in bed awake last night and realizing I never did a blog for this week and then schlepping much of the day away today, I realized that writing about grace might be helpful.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been struggling with under-reacting and over-reacting to the Covid-19 pandemic. I have resisted holing myself up in my apartment and having no contact, even though I recognize that every person I run into poses a potential risk and every surface I touch could be contaminated. i have resisted throwing caution to the wind and still visiting people and gathering with family, even though there has so far been only one documented case of a resident living in the county. I swing between constant sanitizing and letting it all hang out, strictly enforcing 6 feet between me and others and being more lax. And every person I encounter has slightly different boundaries and response to this constantly unfolding new normal.
As the numbers keep increasing, here and worldwide, and as I check in with a friend whose husband is a doctor in New York and in the epicentre of the US cases, I find myself less and less cavalier. and trying to resist the urge to re-think decisions over the last few weeks. How often was I washing my hands and using hand sanitizer? How much did I touch in the grocery store that I didn’t take? By making the choices I made about public worship, was anyone actually put at risk? Am I a carrier without knowing and a risk to everyone I see? What about the unkind thoughts towards those more anxious than me and those taking it less seriously and hoarding or ignoring social distancing?
As I’ve reflected on all of this, I’ve had to tell myself that we all need an abundance of grace right now. We need grace for ourselves, recognizing that this situation is constantly changing, the information shifting and that all of us are new to Covid-19. There are so many unknowns. Professionals are doing the best that they can to help us. We are doing the best that we can. Those around us who are either overly cautious or pushy and self-focused are all afraid and reacting to their own unique realities.
Much as I’ve seen many wonderful and even gently humourous facebook posts, there have been those about “Covidiots” and those not doing what they should and ‘ruining it for the rest of us’. As our nerves get more frayed as this situation continues, and the end seems further and further into the future, it is tempting to feel guilt and regret towards ourselves and anger and frustration towards others who we’d love to blame for the situation we’re in. As we struggle to adjust to the new normal and have lower reserves of energy and patience because of what is happening, we need a big dose of grace.
Grace allows me to recognize that I’m not responsible for all the problems happening. It allows me to be more realistic, to forgive myself for any possible errors in judgement or slips or poor choices. It allows me to recognize Christ in my neighbour who is struggling in ways I probably don’t understand. It allows me to remember that Jesus died in order that we don’t have to carry shame and guilt. Jesus died so that we didn’t have to bow and scrape and sacrifice for our weakness and rebellion. Jesus died so that we could live in freedom and experience peace that is far beyond our human understanding.
So, I’m only now writing my blog for this week because I’ve chosen to give myself some grace this week and not be so regimented about a Tuesday morning release when I’m tired and needing self-care. I’m giving myself grace to recognize that although I so want to reach out to my congregation and do a million things leading up to Holy Week I’m not a super hero. I need time to restore myself and to ensure that I’m healthy.
If anything, this situation is going to get more challenging rather than less. We are just beginning to see how devastating it will be for Canada. We are just beginning to understand how impacted our lives will be by the protocols and restrictions that seem to keep increasing. If we don’t develop the ability to cultivate and accept God’s grace then we will burn out and not last. We will not meet people where they are and show the face of Christ.
Grace is the magic ingredient and links to kindness, compassion, peace and forgiveness. As we head into Holy Week we need to take the opportunity to reflect on the grace shown to us. With the extra time we have been given we can listen more carefully for how God is reaching out to us and asking us to respond. We need to regularly find ways to share the grace we have received.
Grace and peace to you through Jesus Christ!