God Coming in Others

I wrote last week about it being a tough time leading up to that blog, and since then it hasn’t let up much. Despite enjoying chilling a bit last weekend (go Jays!) I still have felt the weight of so many things happening around me. The sharp increase in Covid-19 cases has people more on edge. Contemplating Thanksgiving and other plans is once again very complicated. I even had my first back to Sunday worship nightmare last week - all sorts of people showing up and filling seats ahead of ushers arriving, including a flock of nuns insisting on sitting together in the balcony while the public health authorities came to inspect our re-opening plans.

I’ve had my moments of wanting to ship off to a tropical island, ignore phone calls and tasks I know I need to do, and just leave all this behind. Things that normally don’t phase me have taken more energy, comments and actions of others have impacted me more than usual, and my own anxiety has made me even a bit more of a control freak (a type A Leo - watch out). And as I’ve realized this, I’ve tried to come before God with more consistent prayer, with honesty about what I’m experiencing, asking for a balm to lift it.

Tonight as I’ve thought about this, listening finally to another CD loaned to me and some of the strain easing as the music uplifts me, I’ve realized that even as I strove to pray “right” and preach “right” and respond to people’s needs “right” and questioned if I was doing enough, I’ve been blessed by the very people I’ve been called to lead in this time and others. God has crept in as only God can, reminding me that I’m not expected to be a super hero doing this all on my own. We are in community for a reason.

With no prompting, people have affirmed my calling even as I was questioning it just a bit (it’s sometimes hard to feel secure when you’re preaching to a camera). They have laughed with me, they have accepted me as I am and assured me that in the haze of sermon preparation I’ve somehow said something that impacted and met them where they are. God at work through them and me. God using me in spite of my insecurities and anxiety. They have thanked me for the efforts I’ve made and shared themselves, the biggest compliment and very humbling.

Looking back, I’ve been provided for just as God promised we all would be. We may not like everything about our current ongoing reality, but the fact that it’s tough means we’re forced out of business as usual and confronted with our mortality, with our choices, with our lack of control. And that is the best time for God to step in and remind us that we need a Saviour, a Creator and Redeemer who is in control and knows all that is going on. Again and again we are tempted to think we’ve got it covered and that we’re entirely self-sufficient only to be reminded of our inter-dependence with others and our deep need for God.

I pray this week that I can keep that perspective. Even as people around me become anxious about Covid-19 numbers and the US election and everything else inducing fear right now, I will not take that on or try to fix it but will try to point them to the One who is actually qualified to save and who loves them more than they can imagine. Oh, and God loves me more than I can ever know too, no matter how I feel about myself or how good a job I think I’m doing. I get to focus on the absolute privilege of serving and leaning into the Source of love and peace. May that peace bless and sustain you this week.