Dysfunction in the Family

This Sunday, rather than preaching about the Transfiguration I’m preaching about John the Baptist’s beheading. Even though it’s Family Day weekend, I still wanted to finish the arc of John’s story before we move into Lent, gruesome as his end was.

The more I thought about it, though, the more it made sense to me to talk about it on this of all Sundays. After all, this is a story about family and severe family dysfunction. The reason John is killed is because Herod’s daughter requests it. The reason she requests it is because her mother convinces her to, and the reason her mother wants John dead is because he publicly chastised Herod for marrying her because she had been married to Herod’s brother. That was the reason Herod put him in prison in the first place. And the reason Herod agreed to his daughter’s request for John’s head to be brought to her on a platter? She had danced and put on a show for him and his cronies on his birthday and he had promised her anything she wanted.

So much is wrong and warped about this story. Manipulation and deviousness to get your way. Promising anything to someone and then being trapped into following through. Feeling exempt from ethics followed by the rest of society. Power over others and displaying wealth and status, not to mention parading family members for your friends. These all start to give a picture of exactly how dysfunctional this family was. What kind of person chooses the execution of someone as a gift?

We may read this story and feel shock and horror at its graphic nature. We may feel as though we are nothing like Herod and his clan. However, we would do well to take a moment to examine not just our own families and how they operate, but also our church families. With Lent beginning this coming week, some introspection leading into this sacred time is a good idea. Every family, congregational or otherwise, has its issues and could use some attention and TLC.

After decades in the church, I have seen lots of dysfunction. When you are so close to a group of people week after week, and you all care deeply about what happens there, conflict is going to arise. In and of itself conflict isn’t dysfunctional, but our response to it can be.

Whether it’s some people manipulating things behind the scenes to get their way, or some perceiving they have more clout and authority as the patriarch or matriarch of the congregation, or passion for whatever the issue is steamrolling objectivity or walking in the way of Jesus, dysfunction lurks in many churches. We may not have someone hefting a cleaver ready to lop off people’s heads, but there are very real casualties when things get ugly. People will often shut down or even leave and, more often than not, we don’t notice or do anything about it.

The primary mission and purpose of a church can get lost in the fray of disagreements and power struggles. Well-intentioned people can over-react to protect their ways of doing things from perceived threats. We can start to live for our idea of what church should be rather than focusing on the vision Jesus offers us by the Spirit. We can lose sight of what we do as being for the glory of God and the furthering of Christ’s kingdom. Tradition can become synonymous with faith, rather than a means to live out the faith that brings us Life. Clergy can struggle, especially when put on a pedestal by congregants. When accountability is lacking, all sorts of problems and abuses can arise that are often swept under the rug to protect those in power.

What do we do about this? We need to celebrate all the ways in which our churches function well and give thanks to God for being the source of that. We need to be aware that congregational health and vitality doesn’t just happen but must be nurtured. We need to keep tabs on how well we are doing and ensure that everyone finds a place and is safe and valued. We need to pray for our leaders that they are grounded in Christ and healthy themselves. And we need to acknowledge and lament and then heal any concerns we become aware of, taking seriously the repercussions of what has happened.

God wants our churches to thrive and to be sources of healing and safety, where everyone is valued and feels the love of Christ. As we celebrate our families and church families, give thanks to God for the shelter and care we offer each other in Jesus’ name and for all that God enables us to be together..