Being Known
/This past Thanksgiving weekend was a whirlwind for me of hosting a family gathering, leading worship, attending a 90th birthday, carving a jack-o-lantern with a friend and her nephew and other visiting. At the birthday party, a woman came up to me who was several years older and had attended my church and known me since I was an infant. She now lives out of town and introduced me to her husband and said we’d probably see each other at the bazaar in a few weeks.
I was reminded, particularly in talking to her but in all of the events this weekend, of how important it is for our souls that we are known. How wonderful to be surrounded by people who we share rich history with and who embrace us and make us feel that we belong. Even if we don’t always get along, through family and community we find a place and we are reassured in that belonging. In the 2009 blockbuster Avatar, a poignant scene is when Jake Sully, a paraplegic veteran sent to infiltrate the Na’vi people of Pandora as an avatar, says to the Na’vi woman Neytiri “I see you” and she says it back. Those three words communicate so much between them.
For those who work with young people, outsiders to the church, the elderly or disenfranchised, we know the value of these words to them. It is vitally important that we not only see that these people are among us but that we truly see them - the uniqueness of who they are, where they are coming from and their stories. It is also our role to help them to understand that God knows them inside out, made them with purpose and plans for their lives, and that they are loved fiercely by their Creator.
In the current climate of post-Christendom and politicized faith, when church attendance can be rare with young families and young people, how do we get the message across that we see who they really are and that they can trust that God loves them? Here are some ideas to ponder:
Be intentional in communicating to the congregation what welcome and hospitality look like. Train greeters, leaders, children and youth to notice new people, offer help with finding what they need and answer questions. Plan for new people and show your care and value of them in clear signage, an up-to-date website and eager people ready to meet their needs.
Work, family and other commitments can make regular attendance out of reach for many. Communicate this to the congregation, teachers and leaders and prepare for how it impacts curriculum planning and structures. For example, avoid cumulative learning and instead use stand-alone single lessons or repeat a story with different activities so that more children catch it. Make it clear that there is no room for judgement of parents - those who rarely attend will not come back if they feel shamed.
Communication needs to be more creative with current family realities. Decide who will connect with parents and participants to pass on important information and/or have check-ins to offer support. You may have parents with the time and maturity who would love to adopt a family or two. They might phone once a month to see how things are going or buddy up with them at church events. You may have a senior who loves to mail birthday cards. You may have someone who oversees a facebook page for families or the youth group to give instant updates on activities. Find out what works best for contact with your families and let them know that you see them in how you connect and keep them in the loop.
I am guilty of focusing so much on content that I miss the relational side of things. It takes time to build relationships with children, youth and parents. Trust can be a tough commodity, but be patient. Following up on last week’s post, listening is essential as well as creating safe space for taking in what people want and need to share. When we better understand where people are coming from, we can better meet specific needs and show that we care about them. As the body of Christ, we are God’s ambassadors of love. Hopefully over time, our ministry will result in a lifelong faith and relationship with God.
Seeing and knowing our people means that we notice their good and bad days, we listen for cues about what is most important and helpful to them, we offer support and we celebrate who they are. We might know about recitals or sports events, newspaper photos or awards won at school. Communicate that you care about what is happening in their lives and doors will open. Be sure to celebrate not just what is happening outside of church, but the bonds forming at church and the nurturing community that is being built.
Being treated as an outsider or not accepted for who you are is an awful experience, and the impact is amplified in the church. Look regularly at what is going on around you and how people are relating. Ask for wisdom to see who is not as alright as they seem and who might appreciate a listening ear or prayer. May the church always be a place where people become seen and known and loved for who they are.