Maintaining Balance

I realized yesterday morning in my first full week back after an attempt at a week-long break, that I need to have Lent more or less planned out by next week because of wanting resources available to the congregation in our February newsletter. What?!?!?

I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Easter and Lent are early this year, and while we’re just finishing out the season of Christmas we’re already anticipating the journey to Jerusalem and suffering. That was a lovely couple of weeks of joy! The closeness of these two most busy seasons of the Church year for Christian educators and other ministry leaders, especially in the midst of a pandemic (and here in Ontario, another lock-down) is enough to make us want to lie down and sleep forever.

I acknowledge that this closeness of the two seasons happens regularly, but a pandemic doesn’t. The exhaustion from day to day personal life management and pastoral care challenges continue, not to mention staying creative and uplifting in providing online worship. We never did start worshiping back in our building but many other churches did and now they’re forced back into their homes. The highs of Christmas and New Year possibilities can seem to be quickly fading in the midst of ongoing deaths and rising Covid case numbers.

We have the choice as leaders to respond to these ongoing challenges in a variety of ways. We can hunker down and throw ourselves more fiercely into providing weekly excellent worship to overcome the complainers and ongoing, intense pastoral care until we wear ourselves out. We can throw in the towel and ask for a leave or extended holiday (which probably won’t help too much and in the end returns us to the same reality). Or we can strive to find balance and the calm eye of the storm within the hurricane that continues to rage around us.

We need to be brutally honest with ourselves, slowing down long enough to take stock of how we’re really doing coming off a Christmas like no other, with the regular disappointment and family stuff and underlying tensions perhaps magnified by everyone’s depleted resources. If we were lucky enough to stop and relax after Christmas for even a day or two, then we’re also facing ramping back up to full speed, possibly with kids learning online at home for this week.

So I ask you to stop and really address how you are in this moment. How tired are you, physically, mentally, emotionally, and even within your soul? I know that I’m off kilter from the intensity of December and then days of binge watching tv shows and grazing all sorts of yummy treats. I need a re-set to align my body, my diet and my spirit. And I’m trying to do that re-aligning with gentleness, holding myself in love, rather than as a drill sergeant whipping a recruit into shape.

For those who came through this past season unscathed and with your self-care routines fully intact, congratulations. That’s fantastic! But I’m guessing that many of us found what is normally an exhausting season that much more exhilarating and draining. And with ministry tasks never-ending, the first order of business is managing our needs and stress so that we don’t pass out somewhere.

There are many approaches to this. Maybe you would like to journal about your needs, about what you’re eating and doing for exercise to keep yourself honest, and reflecting on what needs changing to restore or find balance. Maybe looking at your weekly schedule you make firm plans to block out regular time for you that can’t be taken up by overflow of non-emergency ministry tasks. Maybe you decide to find a counselor or spiritual director who will help you to not lose yourself as you serve others. Maybe you commit anew to a set daily time for prayer and scripture reading unrelated to worship preparation.

What’s important is to take that honest look at yourself, to admit to what’s working and what’s not, before you get run over by the train of important things coming up and the needs of others. Typically, no one in your congregation, especially in this time of pandemic, is going to think to ask if you’re getting enough time off, what you need, or how they can best support you. If people are asking these questions, thank them and take them up on it. Likely you will have to advocate for yourself, believing that you’re worth it.

The last year, with much of it having been during the pandemic, may be a great blueprint for how you want this year to go. Or reflecting on last year may make you realize that changes in how you manage your time and your life are necessary so that you stay above water. Take the time to look carefully at who and how you want to be in 2021. What do you want to be able to say about how you handled it?

You are precious. Even if people weren’t depending on you, you are still worthy of rest, healthy food, and personal time to care for all parts of yourself. Take a breath and value the wonderful being that God made when you were brought into the world. Even if you did nothing for the rest of your life, God would still love you passionately. So treat yourself with the same devotion and honour so that you find joy and live out your purpose in a way that nurtures you.

And remember that through the waters God is always with you.