Anticipating Detours: Good Self Care

Sunday I preached about Abram and Sarai’s detour into Egypt from Canaan because of severe famine and how that story played out in Genesis 12:10-18. This morning I had what I thought was a pretty brilliant blog ready to go just as my day job was to start, and somehow I managed to erase the whole thing. I’m back to re-write but had to deal with the added frustration to my day.

This has been an emotional week just as normal September start-up is happening. Among other things, the daughter of a friend died after a lengthy battle with cancer, and the political situation in Ontario has been tense and exhausting. In the midst of this I was able to go for a long walk with a good friend, take in an incredible choral concert Saturday afternoon, read scripture, pray, write, take action and then chill out last night watching the Emmys.

It’s taken time, but I’ve learned what helps to re-centre me when times are tough. And I’ve also learned that as a ministry person I don’t have to be a super hero or any less human. Too often we think of self care as something to do when we’re feeling strained and stressed. Instead, we should think of it as an investment so that when those challenging times come, we are already in a healthy routine and have fortified ourselves to cope well.

Now is a great time as we transition from summer’s quite different schedule into fall to put some good patterns in place to keep ourselves strengthened for whatever may come:

1. Take some time to reflect on past difficult times and stressful days and what works for you to pull you through. What are your go-tos and how healthy are they? Think about things you can do to retreat from a very over-stimulating world (i.e. naps, tech-free times, meditation, prayer, scripture reading, journaling), physical activities (i.e. running, hiking, tai chi, yoga, biking, gym workouts), and social activities (i.e. friend dates, family gatherings, phone calls, community events and activities).

2. Be intentional about investing in yourself and regularly practicing activities that work for you, even when things seem to be going great. Try to ensure that spiritual practices are part of your regular routine. Sadly people in ministry often forget to do this for themselves unless it is part of preparation for sermons or programs. I know I can be guilty of that.

3. Recognize that there will be good and bad days and that these aren’t a reflection of your overall competence or value or giftedness. Life has dark and light and each enable us to value the other. Allow yourself to feel and respond to whatever is happening and recognize that you will not be in this space forever.

4. Discern well who to share what you are going through with and when. People we are responsible to serve may seem to want nitty-gritty details but usually it is not helpful. You may feel strongly about wanting to share with a small circle of trusted people that you would appreciate prayer about a decision or difficult time you are having with something. Make sure that you have people outside your ministry context who are willing to listen and support you, people you can ‘let it all hang out’ with.

5. Know when your efforts to care for yourself are going sideways – when the default is lying on the couch eating chips or being stuck in anxious thoughts or eating everything in sight or staying up to all hours in front of the tv or internet. Ask others how they see you coping and gain better self-awareness. If you are stuck and unhappy, know that reaching out to a professional is nothing to be ashamed of, and an act of courage and self-care.

Every one of us has infinite value, regardless of how much we have done or how well we feel we measure up to a gold standard of leadership. We can all do better but we also make a difference in people’s lives as we serve in our ministries. If you are already feeling overwhelmed with fall start-up, there’s never a bad time to intentionally carve out self-care in your schedule. It will make a difference, and hopefully you can maintain it even when things are more calm.

Take care of yourself, not just because others depend on you but because you depend on you and God cares so much for you.