Buddy Benches and Children's/Youth Ministry

This past Sunday I led worship at a church picnic and decided that the lectionary readings were not the best choice for an all-ages service. So, I chose the healing of the paralytic (Luke 5:17-26) as the main story. Our theme was how we are stronger together in Christ.

As part of the reflection I asked if people knew what a buddy bench was. The youth and kids did and one shared very eloquently about it. This is a new trend at schools - a bench is placed somewhere on the schoolyard and marked as a buddy bench. If anyone is out at recess or lunch hour and has no one to play with or feels alone or down, they sit on the bench. The hope is that other kids will notice and come and invite them to play or ask if they want to talk.

I love the idea, because it places responsibility for the kids on themselves. Instead of a child going to a teacher and complaining about being excluded or walking around holding the teacher’s hand for the entire outdoor time, the child is encouraged to notice how they’re feeling and be pro-active. Other kids are trained to notice and take action to help. In an ideal world, this would eliminate loneliness on the schoolyard.

We talked Sunday about where buddy benches need to be in our own daily lives. Who do we see regularly who, given the option, just might sit on a buddy bench? We wondered about whether or not the paralytic actually wanted to be taken to Jesus on the mat by his four friends or if they just took matters into their own hands, knowing that Jesus could help and maybe even heal him. They went to great lengths, not giving up when they couldn’t get in through the door or windows of the jam-packed house, by climbing up on the roof and lowering the man down into the midst of the crowd right in front of Jesus. It must have been something to see.

We are called in all of our ministries to not just assume that kids and youth feel included and part of the group. We are called to not only notice those who are on the fringe, but we have a responsibility to equip our learners to notice and to offer welcome and be inclusive. In doing this, we follow Jesus’ example and the life of our groups will be much richer. Here are some ideas of ways to encourage your learners to be inclusive:

1. Talk about how to welcome visitors when they first come inside the building. Assign some learners to be on the lookout for guests each week. Talk about things they could say or do that will be warm and friendly and not overwhelming or anxiety-inducing. Talk about the kinds of questions guests might have. Encourage learners to invite guests to sit with their family or close by so they can ask questions and know what to do.

2. Brainstorm as a group ways that guests can be welcomed into your learning space. If your group is pretty static and everyone has their favourite chair and inside jokes it can feel pretty unwelcoming. Role play how to handle a new face in the room – how would they want to be treated? what would make someone new feel safe and comfortable? As a leader, think about assigning someone to be a guest’s buddy, bringing them needed materials and helping them find things.

3. Make it a common practice to do a quick check in with everyone in the group so you begin to gage how learners are doing. Body language can tell us pretty quickly that someone is not happy to be there or feeling frustrated or excluded. Have a conversation about how everyone in the group is important, regardless of their family or how long they have been there. Be sensitive in assigning pairs and groups for working on projects.

4. Train some or all of your learners to notice how others are feeling. If kids aren’t having a good time, come up with age-appropriate things that a caring learner can say or ask the person who is not doing ok. Talk with your leadership team about having a “floater” available to have conversation in a safe and visible place with kids who are struggling.

5. Talk with your learners about the story of the paralytic and ask who they know who might like to come to church and learn about Jesus. Talk about how the church is a place for meeting friends, getting help and finding out how loved we are by God.

You may not have an actual buddy bench, but carefully think through how everyone can feel included – new, regular and irregularly attending learners. By caring for each other in the group, bonds will be strengthened and they will grow in grace and understanding of what it means to be in Christian community.