Healthy Minister Relationships

As a volunteer or a church staff member, you will need to be able to work with the minister, whether or ordained or lay, in your congregation. If you do not currently have a minister, then working cooperatively with the lay leadership team and whatever support you have from your denomination during the vacancy is critical.

I once read an article about clergy dealing with the staff they “inherit”. That wording gave me a shiver up my spine because it seems to imply a negative connotation from the get-go and a hierarchy with the new minister walking in as CEO. It can be challenging to serve in a congregation where the minister has the idea that they are the Messiah sent to be the sole vision provider and to have ultimate control.

Within denominations and churches, there is a wide range of ways that congregations and clergy themselves view the role and rights and responsibilities of the minister. Each minister you work with will be different, having their own strengths and weaknesses, approaches and beliefs about God and how churches should run and what is most important. And being able to work with each minister called to your church is important to the health of your programs.

Here are some other tips for building healthy relationships with your minister:

1. Respect the minister’s schedule. Some pack it over-full and rarely are disciplined to take a day, or even an afternoon, off. If you know that the minister is attempting to take a Sabbath day, do not bother them on that day unless the church is on fire. Honour their self-care because it ultimately benefits you. For clergy who keep their schedule quite open, respect that too. Workaholism is not godly, and what may seem like not a lot going on or getting done may be very deceptive. Ask for what is a good time to meet.

2. Take some time to get to know your minister and recognize their calling to this place and time. They may never be someone you really click with, but take the time to listen and find out what makes them tick and what is important to them. At the same time, as trust is built between you don’t be afraid to share where you are coming from, what issues they may not be aware of in your programs, some back history for context, and what struggles you are having. Your minister may be able to suggest a resource, resource person or creative approach. If nothing else, they can pray and offer support.

3. Find out the best way to connect and keep communication open. Is it better to phone at a certain time or text or e-mail or pop by the church? Recognize that ministers frequently have things come up unexpectedly and this is outside their control. Be flexible, but also aware if this is chronic and you may be getting snow-jobbed. This should be addressed, because the educational ministry of the church is vital. That said, it’s pretty much guaranteed to not be able to expect weekly communication and meetings.

4. Invite and involve your minister in brainstorming with leaders and your committee or team. This will give them a clearer picture of the dynamics and challenges, and the gifts and energy of the volunteers carrying out the ministry. If at all possible, dream together rather than separately, so that you are in line with each other and on the same journey. If the minister can’t be there, be sure to send them what the group came up with soon after. Be open to listening to their ideas too.

5. If you are running into brick walls with the minister, this can be disheartening. It could be because of power issues or stress from other situations spilling over or past history. Often in mainline churches, there is little recourse besides going to an overarching governing body, unless a Personnel committee feels comfortable addressing this and you feel comfortable going to them. What can you do? Pray – for yourself for wisdom of how you are contributing to the situation, for the minister, for creativity of how to still fulfill your mandate without circumventing or shaming the minister. Try to find common ground.

My prayer for you is that your relationship with your minister will be mutually nourishing and beneficial, and that as a result your ministry to children and youth will blossom and grow. Be ready to offer mercy and grace, recognizing the humanity of this individual with a challenging calling. Be ready to also share yourself and your own needs so that you can be healthy in what you are doing. Pray for God’s help as you journey together, and keep your eyes open for where God is nudging you to go.