Hitting the Wall

Parts of last Friday made me think of the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. .I was on the verge of a headache, my worship preparation kept getting interrupted and my brain was starting to melt. Things I had submitted for the newsletter had somehow duplicated themselves into a mess. At the grocery store, amidst the usual anxiety of shopping during Covid-19, my cottage cheese escaped the cart and exploded on the floor in the deli. Some group home residents near me kept loudly asking questions, getting the attention of store staff and advising me how I should have put the container in my cart. What was to have been a relaxed evening became all about finishing worship prep so that the service could be recorded the next morning.

None of this was earth-shattering stuff, but I realized on reflection that my energy reserves were depleted and this all took more of a toll than it should have. I’ve been hearing echoes of this over the last several days, particularly for those in ministry, that we’re exhausted. We may have thought this pandemic experience would be a sprint and it’s actually a marathon. What was supposedly going to be a couple of months of inconvenience is now looking to reach into 2021. Short-term adjustments in how we do ministry and live our lives may become quite long-term, with the constant question in the back of our minds of when and how to safely re-open our churches..

Front-line workers in health care and grocery stores are definitely feeling exhausted. Those in ministry are a different form of front-line. We may not be able to lead worship and activities and provide pastoral care in person, but we are still called to do all of those things and to continually figure out creative and safe ways to go about it. We are navigating a steep learning curve in our ministry at the same time that we are also responding to the impact of the pandemic on our personal lives. The people we are serving are all grieving in some way the losses they are experiencing and needing support.

While I don’t do funerals as part of my ministry, the biggest impact I’ve experienced is the number of folks in my congregation who have lost family members in the last while. Each story and situation is different, but the grief journey is difficult enough without also being unable to gather with friends and family, to have a public funeral to say goodbyes through comforting rituals, or to have physical contact in hugs and handshakes. Helping people in this time takes a different kind of approach..

In marathons it’s possible for runners to ‘hit the wall’. They literally use up all their energy and can collapse., possibly needing to go to the hospital. Last week I sent out my usual mid-week e-mail to the congregation encouraging them to be aware of how they’re really doing mentally and to reach out for help. The same is particularly true for clergy and other ministry leaders. With people relying on us, we need to make sure that we’re caring for ourselves. We can’t feed others from an empty cup.

We know this, but putting it into practice is a challenge. It can be hard to not compare ourselves to the creative ministries of others and their online presence and tech mastery. It can be hard to remember that we can’t be all things to all people. It can be hard to not try to become a Messiah forgetting that there are many people called to help alongside us. It can be hard to not feel helpless and overwhelmed, especially with no end in sight.

We all need to take care of ourselves. Now is not the time to ramp up output because that isn’t sustainable over the long haul. Keep praying about how much God is asking of you and how best to prioritize the energy you have. Keep eating well, getting a good sleep and addressing prolonged sleep concerns, and exercising. Keep finding fun things to do to re-charge your batteries for part of each day. Reach out to your networks of people who understand the realities of what you are going through.

Perhaps most importantly, know that you are enough. i’ll say that again - You are enough. You are loved deeply by God and have been gifted for the things that you are doing. You are making a difference no matter how small it may seem. You are needed, and caring for yourself allows you to continue. Keep listening for clarity of how God is wanting you to pivot in how you are leading and living so that you stay healthy. Just like the disciples gathered in the upper room at Pentecost waiting for what God had promised, connect with others seeking to be faithful. Anticipate God moving in a powerful way and bringing the renewal of the Holy Spirit to lift you above what is around you.

We are the church together. May God give us wisdom to help ourselves and each other so that we make it through this time and cross the finish line together.