Including families that are "different" in children's/family ministries

I have to share a new favourite book – God’s Big Table by Elizabeth F. Caldwell from The Pilgrim Press. I couldn’t help but think about it as I reflected on the lectionary readings for worship this past Sunday, particularly Jesus’ new commandment to love one another as He has loved us.

The book’s sub-title is “Nurturing children in a diverse world”. Our current society is filled with a variety of family situations, in terms of makeup, needs and spirituality. And children are naturally curious and ask questions as they try to make sense of their world. Often leaders and parents are ill-equipped to provide faith-full answers without projecting discomfort and anxiety. Caldwell offers examples of welcoming families with parents of two different religions, families who adopt internationally or locally, families with two moms or two dads, families with special needs kids, and other situations that are outside of the norm but becoming more prevalent.

All people are trying to find a place where they will be accepted and welcomed. People of faith who are outside of the traditional nuclear family are looking for a safe place for them and their children to belong. How do we answer that need? How do we recognize that all God’s children are and should be welcome? Caldwell offers a wide variety of program suggestions, strategies for inclusion, workshops and sensitive approaches.

I love this book for so many reasons – its practicality, its honesty, its desire to have church doors open wide to all who are seeking God. Depending on your denomination, the family scenarios I listed above are barely noticed because your welcome mat has been out for so long, or you may have some families in these categories and there is perhaps discomfort or good integration or a mix, or you may be struggling with whether these families could even fit into your community at all given your theology and prevailing attitudes and concerns.

Regardless of where your church sits, I encourage you to consider the following and think about ways that you can become a beacon of hope and support to your families:

1. Talk with families already in your church who have challenges or who experience difference from the “norm” in some way. Create safe space for this conversation (hopefully a relationship is already established) including guaranteeing confidentiality if they wish. Ask if they feel truly welcomed, if there are any barriers to their full participation and inclusion, and if there is any way the church can help.

2. Talk with leaders about strategies for supporting families and children who are struggling or feeling excluded. What is your policy for bullying? If you don’t have one, create one and follow it. Setting guidelines for behaviour creates comfort and safety. Also talk about appropriate language to use, both by leaders and learners, that conveys sensitivity to the different families in your midst.

3. Find solid resources online or through your denomination to help leaders understand the various challenges that families may be encountering. This also allows them to answer their learners’ questions with more confidence. Know how your church is to respond while keeping Jesus’ commandment to love one another in mind.

4. Provide safe space for leaders to share concerns and struggles they are having in providing support to families. Model inclusion and love, patience and respect, kindness and gratitude for the gifts of all God’s people in how you relate to the families in your care.

5. Consider some of Caldwell’s specific suggestions, such as a support group for parents dealing with common concerns, to let these families know that they are taken seriously and that your church cares.

We are blessed to love and serve a God whose Son served the least and the lost, who loved people outside the “norms” and spent more time with the disenfranchised, the feared and the different than those of the establishment, and who saw the value in every single person. We are privileged to be able to learn from people very different from us. It is a gift to consider how Jesus’ challenge to love one another applies to us and our ministry. Take the time to reflect on just how big God’s table really is.